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Sunday, May 30, 2004
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you Cause all that's left has gone away And there's nothing there for you to prove Oh, look what you've done You've made a fool of everyone Oh well, it seems likes such fun Until you lose what you had won Give me back my point of view Cause I just can't think for you I can hardly hear you say What should I do, well you choose Oh, look what you've done You've made a fool of everyone Oh well, it seems like such fun Until you lose what you had won -look what you've done . jet so we made all these plans and trips and in the end we just feel like going home. i am set for sydney.. ma ma mia. jordan was called ma ma mia. dun ask me why? they just called him that. and i'm thinking so much about them. digression aside, i am gonna see ben and hanna on the 5th! woohoo... went for an EEG on wednesday. for all you non-medical people out there, it's an electroencephalogram. i dun think that explains very well but it's those electrical stuff the docs put on your scalp and record your brain waves. It was such an experience. aha.. another one of those morbidly facinating things... gonna have an mri or tms next. yes, the mri is the machine you go into for a full brain scan. yes, you lie down and they have little magnetic things round the head and you get a real cool view of the brain. yay... and the tms is another one of those thing in the same league.. and the side effects could be an epileptic fit. Aha. i was hoping amnesia but nah-uh... no amnesia jus a slight chance of epilepsy.. why do i say it like it's a good thing? hmmm... ha! i've got google-mail! oh so beautiful darling. ---------- i just learnt that we could purchase land on the moon. yes, my friend's bro owns 1 acre of the moon. nice. tell me something is wrong now. seriously wrong. we're buying moon and they're offering discounts. the sweetness of life. Thursday, May 27, 2004
missed opportunities i'm glad i never took. i'm glad we're just friends. i'm glad we're starting all over again purely platonically. i dunno if hearts were broken then, but at least they won't be now. and it felt good talking to you with a whole new agenda in mind. at least for me and hopefully you too. dance away.
i miss. i ache. ow. waiting is painful, stagnantly wastin time. when it's over will i finally appreciate the patience used up? once in a house on a hill, there lived a boy. He was smart, dramatic and enchanting, i dared not look at him. His smile is slow but deadly, leeching into your skin so gently. his brown eyes pierced a hole in mine when they meet, even for just one second. I blushed and stood afar. My fairy floss dress dancing in the wind as i ran way from the house on the hill. i swept the blades of grass and rhymed along with the aloof wind. i ran for as long as i could but i wound up next to the house. He played peekaboo with me. I smiled and and watch him lure me in. Into his world of evil sins and wretched dreams. I gulped but was so enthralled. i took my first step, the dew mounting on my feet. A second step and i was in. He was nastily seducing; the flowers bloomed and rivers streamed. I shivered at the thought of love. i was so dangerously in love. ------- Once in a house on a field, there lived a girl. She was cool, direct and appalling. I yearned to look at her. Her smile so coy but quick. Give me some candies and then disappear. Her brown eyes burned a hole through mine, they hurt but would not compromise. When our eyes met, a tingle, and away she ran, Her hair trailed like black lace down a gothic flight of stairs. The hem of her shuffling dress pranced about like a brazillian parade. She was gone for a while. This while my heart fell and spasmed like a dreamish nightmare. Then i saw the eerie glow of her eyes. The flame in her ignited and so did mine. This time, she didn't flinch or hide. We just stared. She took a step, still looking. I held my breath as she took another. It's a bad addiction and i'm hooked. Goodbye security, i am so dangerously in love. Monday, May 24, 2004
do i talk just to make noise? maybe kinda. yes, so it's official. i talk just to make noise. random babblings like ,'it's warm today.' or 'hmmm, what should i eat?' or 'why do you have to do that?' see.. fine examples.
ooh, check this song out. courtesy of a dim sum loving friend. here's DIM SUM GIRL. i'm doing a report on epilepsy.. nice. see, epilepsy isn't all just fits and spasms and awful attacks. it's an attack in all aspects of human behavior, hallucination, deja vu/jamais vu sensations, psychomotor arrests, oral-alimentary automatisms, the prophectic gestures. i am going through a seizure in my life. so long, it'll soon turn into status epilepticus and that is deadly. bad. very bad. i need antiepileptic drugs. basically, i need drugs, something that'll get me off this addiction of long standstillness. your absence has caused me to dive into malancholic nonchalance. i need the green fairy soon- a promise of wondrous counterfeit happiness. yay, i'm better already. We've been on the run Driving in the sun Looking out for number one California here we come Right back where we started from Hustlers grab your guns Your shadow weighs a ton Driving down the 101 California here we come Right back where we started from California. Here we come. Saturday, May 15, 2004
DEFROST was kinda cool. had this pretty cool chat with the club owner and he's quite a cool guy. i left defrost with a nice feeling.
broke the law unintentionally yesterday. i was drunk driving. but in my defence i so did not know that with a P plate license, i can't even have a teeny weeny trace of alcohol in my blood. ok, so i did have more than the limit allowed, maybe a little more than that... but, the fact that i got home all safe, happy and sound is proof that i am an excellent driver.. wowee. so now, won't you lend me your car? it's sucha nice mood around... Moon river, wider than a mile I'm crossing you in style some day Oh,dream maker, you heart breaker Wherever you're goin I'm goin your way Two drifters, off to see the world There's such a lot of world to see We're after the same rainbow's end waitin round the bend My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me Thursday, May 13, 2004
it's like downing one absinthe shot after the next til shooting russian vodka up your nostril is a pleasurable fascination. maybe, a morbid fascination. it's days like these you wish were shortened in half; and you know undeniably that someone thinks you have too little stress in life. sometimes, people take it too far and abuse its use as an excuse for Es, ice, weed and all things mock-nice. snort the coke and it'll go away. will it really? drink the raw neat tequila 5 times too much and set yourself free. c'mon who are you kidding? me? don't do drugs for escapism- i say it like it's easy. but it really is. you don't wanna wake up in the morning and find yourself in a sticky coyote ugly. adds to the list of stress doesn't it. i'm not saying don't do drugs. i'm not saying do it either. i'm saying choose the wiser.
this aside, has anyone read catcher in the rye? i feel more like holden caulfield each day i'm apart from him. i disappear crossing the street like the way he taught me. to be under his mercy is merciless. I don't think too much about reality no more because i've reached another level where you can't get me. and sometimes, it's nice to stay there thinking all is fine and happy til you receive a neat nice letter from the bank that your account is $203.88 overdrawn or the fact that your uncle is 'murdered' and the undeserving wants to claim money that isn't hers. so what happens when Utopia turns into Mordor? i'd like to know myself. all i do is breathe and dance. dance and sing. sing and work. work and play. play and learn. learn and live. i haven't sat and cry in a long time. maybe someday i shall, it loosens the reins on my soul and enables me to dance like a flower fairy. but that day has not come. will not most likely, but i can still hope. right now, i'm in grime and mud, fighting my way out survivor style. and if you could hear me, pass me the drink for dutch courage. some hoe garden will do too. Wednesday, May 12, 2004
He could have called 10,000 angels
to destroy the world and set Him free He could have called 10,000 angels but He died alone for you and me I saw anger... i saw me I saw hatred... i saw me I saw foolishness... i saw me I saw darkness... i saw me I saw jealousy... i saw me I saw compassion.. I saw tolerance.. I saw forgiveness.. I saw hope... I saw peace... I saw love... He showed me. When they threw stones, slapped Him and called Him a blasphemer, when they spat on Him, kicked Him and cursed Him... My friend said, "what's wrong with them?' I said, "What's wrong with us?' They are but us. We are just like them. but He saved us nonetheless. Thank You, now i see clearer. Friday, May 07, 2004
today, i had a talk snugged up too warm under the covers. we talked about the usual people, the usual stuff, the usual jokes, the usual whine. then i realised, i was stuck in the past for too log. maybe i'm too lazy to do anything about my life. i feel like i just left fairfield a few months back and that things are still as they were. but no, they're not. i welcome change with open arms, it's just i didn't quite realise it so consciously. so, now i do. it's about time.
You know what i need, You know what i want. You see me when i'm weak, You teach me how to live. You wake me when i faint, You give colours when i can't paint. You smack me when i destroy myself and i thank You for it. Thank You for everything. today i went boxing as usual. but i swear i nearly fainted. I could see people talking to me but it's a muffled silence. My vision was clouded with those blurry yellow spots, like cherry blossoms thrown at my face. The movements of those around me were jerky, fluid, then jerky. All i needed was to sit down but i didn't want to. My head was hurting and it felt like a really long brainfreeze. what with morbid fascination, i enjoyed it so much. i'm so gonna go on a roadtrip when i get back to s'pore. who wants to come, lemme know. we'll drive to thailand if we could. and further if were ambitious. if not, travelling the whole of malaysia would be fine too. oh yes, it'll be great if you had a license too so we can all take turns driving. fun fun. play musical chairs then play musical cars. i have a sudden fascination with racing suddenly. drag racing. yay, yay! |
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